Woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth
I wonder if this is what those hermit characters feel like right before they run away to a dark dark cave where they never shave again. I’d like to do that, oh how nice it would be to escape from life when you’re feeling this low, this lonely. I can’t do that. I’d die… and not because I’m scared of moths but because I would actually die.
I’m sick of feeling so restricted by the life that I’ve created for myself, and the life I’ve been given by the gods/spirit/demons/nature/large cat/popcorn in the sky/pits of hell/clouds/oceans/popcorn. See I have my car loan, my home loan, my cats, my jobs and my health that chain me forever into a position I no longer like… I want to break free but can’t, particularly health… this is something I can never escape.
No matter how much I hate it I can’t change the fact I need 30+ pills a day to live, or look ugly because of the fucking stupid drug side effects with their weight gain and puffy face crap… I can’t escape all these things and so much more..
I just need to breathe without the life I have, I need to breathe and not worry about it… I need to escape.
This boy is broken, so broken. So confused and so broken. So low and so broken. I lay in my bed right now and just want to roll over and hug something, but its empty.. my bed is empty.. I’m in my bed and I feel empty, so how could my bed not feel empty. I’m broken, I’m out of faith.
I miss him so much, I miss being able to ring when I feel this way, I miss friendships. Even my real friends don’t give a fuck about me, I would be there giving them a hug if they felt like this, but I’m the strong one, the one who doesn’t need no fuckin hugs.
Well you know what? I do.
I ramble and blaaaah when I’m this broken, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll ever not be broken.
What to do.

Happy